AMA FASHION

On Sunday night, the 2013 AMA's took place in LA and I'm going to be Joan Rivers for a couple hours by judging a celebrity based on the clothes that they wore. Let's get on with it.

Katy Perry is wearing Oscar de la Renta and looks magical. Yes, it does look like a duvet print, but she is making her bed and sleeping in it (shit metaphor, I'm tired).

I really want Emma Roberts to be my friend. I love this Lanvin maxi-dress. In fact, I want it, and I'm a boy.

Lady Gaga wearing Versace (naturally). She look's really pretty, and maintained this in her costume changes throughout the night. I can't get over how much she looks like a young Donatella.

Kelly Osbourne in Rami Al Ali (I think). I don't know if I like this, or completely hate it. The silhouette is weird, and the top half of the dress is really unflattering. But it's cute in a prom-y way.

Ariana Grande in Dolce and Gabbana. Ariana is my favourite popstar of 2013 and this dress is perfect. She looks all woman and a total sexpot. Her stylist finally gets some praise from me. Congratulations, she doesn't look like a fetus.

Miley Cyrus is a simple Vercase Verses pantsuite. I like it. She looks older and more mature than usual, but it's cute. She is serving up executive realness.

Taylor Swift in Julien Macdonald. She looks amazing and I really want her legs. I wish she didn't have that nude triangle by her breasticles though. Would've looked a lot nicer without it.

LADY GAGA - ARTPOP REVIEW

Lady Gaga is finally becoming a force to be reckoned with. After every Madonna comparison, attention grabbing performance and questionable outfit, I feel like she wants to show the world who and what she is as an artist. She has reversed the work of Warhol by putting art into pop instead of pop into art which has constructed this roller coaster album experimenting with different sounds, genre's and themes. Working with producers like Zedd, DJ White Shadow, will.i.am and Madeon, and artists like Jeff Koons and Marina Abramovic, we're in for a treat both sonically and visually. Overall, I'd give this album a B+, but here is a graded track by track review for your pleasure.

1 - Aura (C+)


When this song originally leaked I thought it was bloody fantastic. I was wrong. It's a good song, don't get me wrong. The lyrics are good, especially the "do you want to see me naked lover" bit and the "Dance. Sex. Art. Pop. Tech" chant. But I find it quite a messy song. It's bizarre but a great introduction to a great album

2 - Venus (B-)

Even though not many people like this song, and a lot of people will judge me for giving this song a higher grade than Aura, I think this song is amazing. I saw her preform this song live at G-A-Y in London and it was very good,  I judge a song on how good I think it'll be live. I really like the bit when she names all the planets (including Pluto). It's good isn't it?

3 - G-U-Y (B+)

I was most excited to listen to this song because I fell in love with the snippet she released to get everyone hyped up about ARTPOP. This song is about sex, and it's a very sexy song about sex. The chorus is awesome and I want to have sex to this song immediately. Any offers? Zayn Malik? Zak Efron?

4 - Sexxx Dreams (A)

Another great song about sex. I think Lady Gaga really likes sex. Who wouldn't? Have you seen her boyfriend? But this song is for the lesbians. 'Poker Face' revisited, except a lot better. I really love the lyric "When I lay in bed, I touch myself and I think of you'. There's also an incredible bit in the song where she says "I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I've had a couple of drinks" and it sounds like all you need is alcohol for Lady Gaga to munch your muffin.

5 - Jewels n' Drugs (ft. T.I, Too Short and Twista) (D)

No. Just no. Pop stars should stay away from trap music as much as possible. It's nice to see some gangster rap artists collaborate with the Queen of the gays though.

6 - Manicure (B-)

This song reminds me of her first album The Fame so much. It's girly yet rock in a twisted way. The song is about being cured by a man in a sex way, which is nice. I really like the guitar riffed bridge in this song. Also, this is Adele's favourite if anyone is interested.

7 - Do What U Want (ft. R Kelly) (A+)

This is my jam right here. Two of my favourite artists have had musical intercourse and created this gorgeous baby. This song is about the tabloids not owning an artist for Lady Gaga but for R Kelly it's about sex, which is great for the whole 'ARTPOP could mean anything' concept. It's really catchy, so if you haven't listened to it (do you live under a rock?), be prepared.

8 - ARTPOP (B-)

We've made it to the title track. This song is beautiful. It's nice to see she's realised that you can't change the world with a song, even though she tried amazingly with the 'Born This Way' era. "ARTPOP could mean anything". It reminds me a little of Selena Gomez - Love You Like a Love Song, which I'm sure is unintentional, but I don't mind because that is a great song.

9 - Swine (C-)

This song is very lyrically weird. It's quite a 'banger' as Miley would put it. For some reason it reminds me of poppers, but I wouldn't want to have sex to this song because it's about pigs(ish). There is something good here though. I don't know what it is, but I feel it.

10 - Donatella (A)

Everyone who is reading this will probably judge me for giving this a high grade, but this song is so gay I just had to give it props. This song is an open letter to Donatella Versace but she is also making fun of fashion and model culture. My favourite line is "I am so fab, I'm blonde, I'm skinny, I'm rich and I'm a bit of a bitch." What more do you need in a song? Nothing.

11 - Fashion! (C)

Probably more of an album filler than a hit single. But I like this song because it's very chilled out. It reminds me of Daft Punk. I'm sure this song is a stoner favourite. Although, when I saw the track list for the first time, I was hoping that she'd re-release this song which featured in the film 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'.

12 - Mary Jane Holland (A+)

This song is brilliant. It's produced by Madeon who is my favourite DJ prodigy. When I heard he was going to be collaborating with Gaga on the album, I was so excited. He is a genius and Mary Jane Holland certainly showcases that. This song is about weed by the way. The bridge is bloody phenomenal with this amazing Abba vibe as pointed out by Popjustice. This song is my favourite from the album. Bravo.

13 - Dope (C+)

IT'S A FUCKING BALLAD ABOUT WEED. GREAT. But it's about how love is greater than any drug. GREAT. Probably related to her hot boyfriend again.

14 - Gypsy (A) (listen here)

I really like this song, a lot. Again, produced by Madeon, which is probably why. The song is about the lonely consequences of being famous and how the stage is her home, which is quite nice. She lists a lot of countries at the end which is also, quite nice.

15 - Applause (A-)
A great choice to end the album. Because you must clap at the end of every show.

KATY PERRY - PRISM REVIEW

After listening to Prism, I feel like Katy Perry has finally found herself as an artist. I was originally expecting quite a dark album after the whole divorce thing that happend, but was pleasantly surprised that even though her sound has changed, it's still Katy. It's an uplifting album with great, credible pop music. I will now take you on a journey through the album and express my opinion on each song (One way tickets only and they're non-refundable). I will be rating the songs like a teacher grades an essay because with my beautiful voice (sarcasm), I can only hope Katy see's me as a teacher, role model and best friend. So A+ means brilliant, and F means the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard (spoiler alert, there are no F's).

• Roar (A-)

The first single, the opening track and a great song. After listening to the whole album, you can tell she's been inspired by her support acts from the 'California Dreams Tour' (which was pretty amazing), Marina and the Diamonds, Robyn and Oh Land. Katy has embraced their left-field stance on popular music and brought it to the mainstream, which is bloody brilliant. But in terms of the song overall, it does what it says on the tin. A fierce, inspirational jam perfect for the gym, getting work done and anything else you need inspiration for.

• Legendary Lovers (B-)

 Even though I'm kind of over popstars sampling melodies from the East to be controversial, Legendary Lovers is a pretty good example of what it's like when it's done right. On my first listen, I thought this song was pretty shit, but I was wrong and I can only apologise. It's a very pretty song with probably my favourite vocals on the whole album.

• Birthday (D)

I'M SORRY I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT. But just because it's not my cup of tea, doesn't mean it can't be yours. What's peppermint to me, could be your Earl Grey. It sounds like a cheesy song that Butlins would use for their advertising campaign.

 

• Walking On Air (A+)

This song is my personal favourite of Prism and it should be yours too. Why? Well here is a list:

1. It is great for popping that pussy.
2. It has this amazing nineties vibe.
3. I'm almost 80% sure that this song is about anal sex.

If you don't believe me, have a listen. If you don't like it, you're wrong.

• Unconditionally (C-)

It's not that I don't like this song. I think it's a great song, it's sung beautifully and is probably one of the most relatable songs on the album. But I'm quite upset that Katy has chosen this to be the second single off the album. Which is why I decided to give it a C- when it's really a B. I'M BITTER. SO WHAT?

• Dark Horse (ft. Juicy J) (A)

 This is another favourite from the album. The whole 'trap' trend is so yawn, but I find this song bloody brilliant. I'm obsessed with Juicy J and the beats used are amazingly trippy. Even though I'm upset that he's the only collaboration on the album, it's a great collaboration and is not only making me excited to hear some of Juicy J's work but a perfect piece of Prism. Go on, have a listen. You won't regret it.

• This Is How We Do (C+)

 I think I like this song more than I should. It has so much sassitude (great made-up word). It's a very catchy tune and I particulary love the chorus, but I don't like the bit when she's talking to us. In fact I don't like it at all. Which is why I gave it a C+. I'm not a popstar so I can't really judge, but I would of loved this song a lot more without the 'inspiration voice over' BS. I still dig it though.

• International Smile  (B)

This sounds like a 'Teenage Dream' reject and I love it a lot. It's cute and I would love to see this song as a future single. It reminds me so much of Eurovision and the 'cabin crew' speech is the gayest thing you will hear on 'Prism' and I love it (unless 'Walking On Air' is ACTUALLY about anal sex).

•  Ghost (B-)

This song is probably about Russell Brand and you can tell from the start. The first couple of  seconds you'll probably eye roll and wonder why she's turned into Adele. But then the chorus hits us like Rik Waller at an all you can buffet. This song is amazing. I love it.

• Love Me (D)

This song is very chilling and the lyrics are quite nice but I'm not feeling it. Even though you can tell this is more of an album filler than a hit single, the bridge is great. I love the title because it certainly relates to my love affair with Zayn Malik, but this song is the 'basic bitch' in the High School of Prism.

• This Moment (C-)

 Quite a nice power ballad but again, I think we've certainly hit the 'album filler' section of Prism. You can tell that only the super fans of Katy Perry will be listening to this part of the album next year. That's not necessarily a bad thing because this song is cute.

• Double Rainbow (B)

I really like this song. Even though it probably won't be a single (but we can all dream). The lyrics are really pretty and the melodies are nice. I like the lyric 'One man's trash is another man's treasure'. Which is ironic because I'm sure most of you don't agree with my grading system throughout this review. OH WELL. THAT'S THE EDUCATION SYSTEM FOR YOU.

• By The Grace Of God (C)

This song is beautiful and I'm sure that it has a lot of fans. But I'm very tired and this is the last song I'm going to review. I'm getting quite sick of ballad-y songs. If you're going to have lots of slow songs, please don't put them one after the other. Spread them out like a sluts legs. People will lose interest. But this song is alright and a nice ending to the album.