MTV VMA's REVIEW (CAITLIN MORAN EDITION)

I woke up on Monday the 26th of August with a very bad hangover and 17 missed calls. Before sorting all that out, I naturally checked twitter to witness the best photo ever of Lady Gaga with One Direction at the MTV VMA's. This got me very excited to watch the actual show. I refused to watch any performance, tried my best not to look at any photos (very hard for a professional fan-girl), or look up who won what award. So I'm going to review the performances from the show and the fashion from the night.

PERFORMANCES

Lady Gaga opened the award show by performing her new single 'Applause' (watch it here) and it was a bloody good performance. I like how she incorporated every single album era that she's been through and ending it in the 'ARTPOP' era. The booing at the start also made me laugh a little, it was just a little 'fuck you' to all the hateful critics.

Miley Cyrus caused a bit of a stir by degrading the entire female population by wearing practically nothing whilst wanking off a Mickey Mouse finger and twerking against Robin Thicke's crotch (watch here). WE GET IT, YOU'RE GROWN UP. Don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with nudity. The human body is a beautiful thing and it should be embraced. I find it weird when people are uncomfortable by someones ass crack on TV. Gaga used nudity in her performance and I know I'm probably biased here, but it was tasteful. She looked like she was cut out of Botticelli's "The Birth of Venus." But Miley took it a bit too far. If Robin Thicke was absent from the performance and it was just Miley in that outfit, not as many people would of complained. It was just way too over-sexualised. It's a shame because I really like Miley and I think she has one of the most pure and unique voices in pop music.

Women in popular music are becoming way too slutty, and people find it inspiring because popstars are doing what they want to, when most of these ideas come from male propaganda. It's pretty much impossible to stop degrading women all together, especially in this sex obsessed culture. Over-sexualisation of women has become so extreme that it's time to fight fire with fire. We need to see men being treated the same way women are being treated in music, film and the media. It's unfair to be brainwashing certain traits, stereotypes and expectations to new generations.

Let's stop talking about vagina's for a moment, although it's going to be hard not to because mine was gushing last night during Justin Timberlake's performance (I really am a man, I swear). He won the lifetime achievement award which has something to do with Micheal Jackson for some reason that I do not know. Winning this award, he treated us with a fifteen minute performance of all his classics, three songs from his amazing new album and a little song with NSYNC. HE IS JUST THE BEST POPSTAR EVER ISN'T HE? I love him and want to marry him. Highlights include: The NCYNC reunion, Mirrors, Cry Me a River, My Love & Take Back the Night. Basically, the entire thing.

Now it's time to talk about my favourite part of the show. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' performance of 'Same Love'. I'm obsessed with Macklemore. He's officially my favourite rap artist ever. The performance was amazing, the song is touching and has a meaning so close to my heart. It's nice to see that songs about gay rights are becoming mainstream. In fact it's amazing, especially in hip hop which is probably one of the most homophobic genre's of music. PLUS JENNIFER HUDSON CAME OUT AT THE END. FUCK. (watch here).

Katy Perry ended the show in front of the Brooklyn Bridge (watch here). Her vocals were on top form and it's so lovely to see that she's growing as an artist even though I'm going to miss that blue wig so much. Roar is an amazing song and I'm very excited to see the music video. Do not disappoint me Perry. I got my eye's on you.

FASHION

Best Dressed

Ellie Goulding (left), Selena Gomez (middle) and Taylor Swift (right).

Worst Dressed

Erin Wasson (left), Miley Cyrus (middle) and Katy Perry (right).

LET'S REVIEW THE BRIT AWARDS FASHION!!

The Brit Awards were held on Wednesday and to be honest, they were pretty shit. But there were some pretty dresses, and here is my judgement which you probably don't care about.

Here is Taylor Swift wearing one of my favourite outfits of the night. Hot diggigy gurl. You look fierce. Love how it's really classy but slutty at the same time. YOU GO TAY TAY.

Jessie J taking her song 'Do It Like A Dude' to a completely new level in Versace.

Paloma Faith in Dolce and Gabbana. Ugh I fucking love her so much. I adore this dress and I adore her. All hail Paloma Faith. *Tries to think of another way to say I love Paloma Faith.*

She is like a zit on your back that you can't reach, but the dress is okay. Emelie Sande, cannot find who she's wearing anywhere.

My mouth always bursts wide open whenever I see a picture of these boys, and not in shock. GIVE ME UR COCKS. One Direction looking gorgeous on the Brit red carpet.

Jessie Ware wearing Miu Miu. Ugh, she looks so amazing. I love the cropped top A LOT and the detail on the sleeve is a nice touch. So excited to see this bitch at Bestival. She can ditch that bag though.

Alexa Chung in Valentino. Before I start on the outfit, please get smaller shoes. Maybe I would like this if everyone else wasn't so dressed up. But I really don't. Can we all have a collective EW on three? 1.. 2.. 3.. 'EW'. Thank You. Kind Regards.

Lana Del Rey in Chanel. SO CUTE, but way too casual for the Brits. Plus she looks like she just saw her own dog be brutally murdered.

Justin Timberlake in Tom Ford. FUCK ME.

Rita Ora wearing Ulyana Sergeenko. I DO NOT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS DRESS. One side of my brain is telling me to be sick, but the other part tells me that she looks nice. Maybe she just pulls it off pretty well. Jesus, I need to go to church.

2013 Pop Cultural Predictions

January. This word sends shivers down my spine. All the 'new year, new me' bullshit with people unnecessarily announcing that their diet is going well. Well I have one thing to say to all of you that say/do annoying things during this awful month. 'Fuck off.' But at least we have a whole new year of pop culture to look forward to, so here are my pop culture predictions of 2013, which is more or less a wish list.
       If you are a frequent reader of my not so interesting blog, then you know I absolutely adore Tom Daley. So my first 'prediction' is that by the end of 2013 he will release a statement that he is a gay man who has secretly had a civil partnership with a huge black man and/or me. Maybe I'm going a bit too far, but that would be a (wet) dream come true, no?
       Ok, so we know the Sugababes are reuniting with an absolutely awful new name, 'Mutya-Keisha-Siobhan.' I'm not being funny, but how do they expect people to say the fucking name without googling it, and saying it really slowly. So my prediction for 'MKS' is simple. If they release a club banger (rumoured) then they will probably do pretty well and have a good, solid pop album with a sold out (ish) arena tour, but if they release (and God forgive me for using this word) a ballad, then they will flop, and flop hard (if you hadn't noticed, I hate ballads).
       Lady Gaga will prove to everyone that she is alive and release 'ARTPOP,' which apparently is a lot more fun than her previous album 'Born This Way' but just as risky, which is rather exciting isn't it? If you follow me on tumblr you will know that the sometime-jazz singer is one of my favourite artists, if not, my all time favourite artist. So it is no secret that I cannot wait for the 'Bad Romance' singer (best song of all time, no?) to release her new album. My prediction is that the album will do pretty well, if not amazingly depending on how good the first single is. I also predict that she will preform with Beyoncé (again, more of a wish) at the Superbowl half time show, which will be all kinds of amazing.
       Les Misérables will do very well during awards season and I will become 75% more gay during awards season because of Anne Hathaway and all her amazing-ness. I think Anne Hathaway could play any character in the world and do an incredible job. Lindsay Lohan will have many more comebacks and people will realise each comeback that she has lost her Midas touch and has become a shit actress.
       Finally, it was released today that Destiny's Child and Justin Timberlake are going to have comebacks VERY SOON. I would go on and talk about it but my brain needs more time to digest the information (can we all have a collective HOLY SHIT BALLS).

That's all.
Jack

PS Justin Bieber will still be annoying