WHAT SINGLE PEOPLE SHOULD DO ON VALENTINES DAY

It's almost Valentines Day which means if you're single, couples will become even more annoying, you'll become clinically depressed and if you're lucky, you might even projectile vomit over all the lovey-dovey paraphernalia available. If you're not single, you can buy me ice cream to make it up to me. Being single on Valentines Day sucks and blows, and not in a good way. Here is a list of things to do on Valentines Day if you're single:

• Murder.
• Get wasted drunk with a selected group of single friends.
• Watch horror films.
• Chain smoke in your room until you sound like Shirley from Eastenders.
• DON'T WATCH BRIDGET JONES.
• Watch cartoons
• Try out something new. Opt-out for a ready meal lasagne instead of shepherds pie.
• Make Vodoo Dolls of your ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends and let your dominant alter-ego spread it's wings.
• Eat
• Eat some more.
• Ice cream is good.
• Host a gang bang for a recently paroled group of men.
• Get flowers delivered to yourself in a public area but make sure you put 'From Zac Efron' on the card.
• Go shopping
• Murder.

But maybe I'm just bitter?

Me, Myself and Vodka

Urm, hello? It's a veritable thrill to see you all reading my blog that I got told to start in order to have a better future career as a journalist. Well, my name is Jack Rattenbury, I'm eighteen years old from an average size town on the south Welsh coast. Like most aspiring feature writers I've moved to London, but I've only gone and done it in my student years. I'm studying Publishing, Journalism and Media at Middlesex University. I seem to be getting poor very quickly, in fact tonight I have decided to stay in and do my ironing because I can't afford to go out, and when I do go out I resemble Gordon Ramsey's forehead because of all the creases in my clothes.

But in all honestly I am having the best time of my life. The nights out are fantastic, my course is great and I've met some lovely people. I'm not even as homesick as I thought I would be. Coming from a very close family in Wales, I thought I would be crying every night under my duvet with my two gay boyfriends, Ben and Jerry. But I really haven't. Of course I'm excited to go home to visit my friends, family and my beautiful bed. But I'm very happy here. I'm in London for fuck sake.

So I'm poor and not homesick. Is there anything else I can tell my blog reader friends about myslef? Ah yes, I'm single. I'm single and gay. Also I feel as though I will be single for the rest of my life as the only realistic relationship I've had in the past 18 years of my life has been with a bottle of vodka. Here at university I have met a few gay people, but once friendships are established I tend to keep the label 'friends' as I don't want to add lonely to the list of adjectives that I would use to describe myself.

Shall we leave it there? I think we should as I feel another night with my two boyfriends will be on the cards very soon if I carry on. But no I am fine. Sweaty and lazy, but fine.

-Jack