WHAT SINGLE PEOPLE SHOULD DO ON VALENTINES DAY

It's almost Valentines Day which means if you're single, couples will become even more annoying, you'll become clinically depressed and if you're lucky, you might even projectile vomit over all the lovey-dovey paraphernalia available. If you're not single, you can buy me ice cream to make it up to me. Being single on Valentines Day sucks and blows, and not in a good way. Here is a list of things to do on Valentines Day if you're single:

• Murder.
• Get wasted drunk with a selected group of single friends.
• Watch horror films.
• Chain smoke in your room until you sound like Shirley from Eastenders.
• DON'T WATCH BRIDGET JONES.
• Watch cartoons
• Try out something new. Opt-out for a ready meal lasagne instead of shepherds pie.
• Make Vodoo Dolls of your ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends and let your dominant alter-ego spread it's wings.
• Eat
• Eat some more.
• Ice cream is good.
• Host a gang bang for a recently paroled group of men.
• Get flowers delivered to yourself in a public area but make sure you put 'From Zac Efron' on the card.
• Go shopping
• Murder.

But maybe I'm just bitter?

10 Television shows that need to take over your life.

 Nothing screams student life more than a television box-set. The box-set is the new Pot Noodle, and there is a box-set out there to satisfy everyone's palette. Here is a neatly, organised list of ten television shows that you need to watch in order to be a lonely, pathetic, gay man who eats a lot of ice cream.

 10. 30 Rock

The world would be a pretty shit place without Tina Fey. She is a comedic mastermind and there is a constant smile on my face when I watch 30 Rock because of her. Liz Lemon is me. I am Liz Lemon. Liz Lemon is life.

9. Adventure Time

I'm very particular when it comes to cartoons I consider watchable, let alone enjoyable. The cartoons of your own generation are always the best, but there is something about Adventure Time. With a talking dog, a lumpy space princess, a talking cinnamon bun and a princess made of bubble gum, you can't go wrong.

8. Teen Wolf

I'm guessing 70% of you are rolling your eyes right now. Don't judge a television series by it's name. Teen Wolf is addictive, and I need a new prescription.

7. American Horror Story

I'm in love with American Horror Story. The new Coven edition of the show is my favourite series out of the three so far. It's scary, sexy and sassy all at the same time. Emma Roberts and Jessica Lange are amazing in this show.

6. Looking

This television show isn't even a week old and I can tell I'm going to enjoy it immensely. It's about a bunch of gay guys who live in San Francisco and are looking for love. What's not to like? Plus it looks like it's filmed using Instagram. BONUS!

5. The Simple Life

Yes, I put 'The Simple Life' high on my list. No, I do not go and see a doctor. You do.

4. Modern Family

Modern Family has one of the biggest hearts in television. I could watch Modern Family for 75% of my life and die a happy man.

3. Breaking Bad

The hype is real. Breaking Bad made me laugh, cry and cry laughing. If you haven't started binge watching Breaking Bad then there is something wrong with you. It is the definition of great television.

2. RuPaul's Drag Race

Who doesn't want to watch a dozen men dress up as women compete for the title of America's Next Drag Superstar? RuPaul's Drag Race is everything and I've even thought about becoming a drag queen just so I can go on Drag Race, until I realise that I do not have the balls for it (even if I don't really need them)

1. Orange is The New Black

This is the best television show I've ever watched. The story lines are impeccable and the acting is amazing. If you watch one episode, you'll be on episode twenty by the following day. You can't stop and you won't stop because you're Miley Cyrus human.

GOLDEN GLOBE FASHION

The 71st Golden Globes officially kicked off award season last night in Los Angeles, California. I really enjoy award shows and really enjoy looking at pretty things. So here are the best and the worst of last night's fashion at the 2014 Golden Globes. Excuse me whilst I turn into the actual Joan Rivers.

I'm obsessed with Emma Robert and I'm obsessed with this dress by Lanvin. This is how Julia Roberts should've looked (be prepared for Julia Roberts)

Emma Roberts always impresses me. This is Dior and it is also better than anything you own.

This is Sofia Valgararfjsdh Vergara wearing the BFG's lampshade by Zac Posen

I love Jennifer Lawrence, but this is a very strange dress. I can't hate it though, because she's Jennifer Lawrence

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I make fun of Zooey Deschanel a lot, but I think this is really pretty. It's glamorous, yet so sweet I need a few fillings (She's wearing Oscar de la Renta, if anyone's interested)

I would normally judge anyone for wearing a dress like this, but it's Tina Fey and I kind of like it. (Don't judge me) (She's wearing Carolina Herrera)

This is Julia Roberts wearing Dolce and Gabanna. She looks like a mother who lets her hair down once a year (and her hair is up in a bun).

Sweet mother Mary of God. No. (Sandra Bullock in Prabal Gurung)

Who invited Taylor Swift to the Golden Globes? Oh, she's pretty isn't she? (She's wearing Carolina Herrera)

Five albums from 2013 that you should exchange money for

5. 'Heartthrob' - Tegan and Sara

I couldn't stop listening to this album for the entire summer of 2013. This album is the definition of 'Pop Perfection', and I'm looking forward to the sequel. Tegan and Sara are great and you should definitely check them out, because they are the only two lesbians I'm not terrified of (just kidding) (kind of).

4. 'Samson & Delilah' - VV Brown

This is a beautiful album. Not many artists make me feel excited about their future in the music industry, but VV Brown delivered better than any postal service in the world. She has got me excited about her future. I want to marry her (no hetero).

3. 'ARTPOP' - Lady Gaga 

 Obviously.

2. 'True Romance' - Charli XCX

The fact that this album debuted at number 85 makes me feel really sad. Why do most people buy shit pop music? She is a brilliant songwriter and if I was a female popstar, this is what my first album would sound like.

1. 'Night Time, My Time' - Sky Ferreira

I don't know why you are still reading this post when you've just been given easy access to a song from the best album of 2013. I have three words for you: 'fucking', 'amazing and 'ecstasy'.