I need a stiff drink and a stiff something else.

HELLO! Happy Thursday to you. I decided not to go out tonight and now, have this huge feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach. I haven't had a double vodka and red bull in about 6 days and this to me, is unacceptable to the highest degree. Also I'm feeling unloved. I'm sick and tired of being single and I really want to take part in the American activity of dating because, as a British citizen I feel like we don't really partake in dating, and if we do call it a date it tends to make things awkward. I guess we'd call it 'outings', am I right? So I want an awkward free date with someone that gives me an instaboner (that's instant boner to those who don't know, it's not an app that makes your dick sepia).  My perfect date would be a few drinks (obviously) , sharing a shit full amount of carbohydrates and a good fuck.

Here is a brief characterisation of my ideal man. I like light brown hair and blue eyes on other men *orgasm*. I like men with the same build as me (unless you are Tom Daley, then you can sit on my face), you have to either be a little taller or the same height as me. I love a good sense of humour and if you are lucky enough to be my boyfriend (pushing it), then I'll enjoy seasonal kiki's with you and dick banana splits. You have to like One Direction and support them through every decision they make. Also if I meet any of the following people, you need to understand that I am aloud to leave you if they are in love with me: Zayn Malik, Zac Efron, Tom Daley, Darren Criss, David Beckham or River Viiperi. Please note that this list does change sometimes (everyday). It would be nice if we had similar music tastes. Finally, and this is important, you cannot be clingy. This is the worst personality trait to me. I like time to myself and I think it's important to spend time on your own, as it is with people you love.

It's time for my 'THING OF THE WEEK' and for those of you who are actually feeling alone. This week it's a beautiful video made by a filmmaker called Andrea Dorfman. It's about being lonely and how to cope with it if you are. Whenever I do feel lonely (which is rare because I surround myself with some lovely people) I think of this video and all is good in the world.