Does size really matter?

The world of online dating has become literally, bonkers. People are becoming more and more picky when it comes to picking their future lover, whether they have to wear a uniform in the day or have a big dong. Yes, that's right, a big dong. I recently came across an advert for a new dating site specifically for people who like big dicks. You can find that website here (yes, it is called 7orBetter.com and I grant them 10 points for that name).

I never know how to feel about absolutely massive cocks or how anyone can have a fetish over it, especially if you're a gay bottom (I'M VERSITILE). Yes, I admit sometimes when I see one online (I'm not that lucky to experience the live show yet), I think to myself, 'Holy shit, that's beautiful.' Also, I don't know why but if I know someone has a big dick, I look at them as authoritative for some strange reason. I guess it's like dogs. You can't really call a chihuahua a dog, but you wouldn't fuck with a huge Rottweiler. On a purely visual level, looking at a big penis is like looking at the London's Gherkin, an absolutely beautiful landmark that makes you spew innuendo more than... well, I don't know the name of any other phallic landmark in the world that wouldn't scab your hole.

The question is, should the size of your chosen lover's penis be any different than having a preference over what colour eye's you prefer on your man or if you prefer Lady Gaga or Madonna? Due to the popular belief that 'bigger is better', you'd assume that people have every right to be picky with penises. But on the other hand, you can't change the size of your penis unless you get surgery and end up on a gone-wrong This Morning segment with Holly Willoughby uncontrollably laughing.

I think the answer to this not-so-important question is that it doesn't matter. It's what inside that matters. Dick size is only a tiny leaf on the oak tree of love.

ONLY KIDDING. WHERE'S THE BIG DICK AT?

On a serious note, life must be quite difficult if you have an insanely small penis. Especially if you're part of the gay community. A community that has welcomed me with open arms, but a community where appearance, confidence and semen are huge factors when it comes to love. All you have to do is visit douchebagsofgrindr.com to understand what it's like. I think people need to realise that whether they prefer a chopper or a chode, there is a human being attached to that penis they are scrutinising. What I'm trying to say is that I may prefer Lady Gaga, but I would never tell Madonna that.

Wankr's on Grindr

Grindr is described as a location-based dating app for gay men, so basically it's a hookup/one night stand/dick pic app. There are over five million users worldwide who spend, on average, ninety minutes of their day browsing through profiles of other gay men who'd like to chat, meet or blow. To most gay men with the app it's a serendipity, but to me it's a nightmare.

Most gays think I'm stupid for hating Grindr, but it's just a glorified orgy. Not to mention it's full of pricks that are so picky in who they want to meet, it makes me want to vomit. Pretentious knobheads using the over-used phrase, 'no fems, no fats, no Asians'. Don't get me wrong, it can be great if you're single and want to find a potential dating partner, and I'm sure a lot of people have found love through the app and whatever. Unfortunately, the majority of people on there are looking for sex, and it creeps me out.

Curiosity has made me download this app so many times, shortly followed by me deleting it. When I decided to talk about Grindr on here I downloaded it and decided to open it in the heart of London's gay town. It took me sixty seconds to get someone's location to meet and have sexy time with (of course I didn't go). Me and my friend were scrolling through the profiles, sitting in SOHO Coffee Co. and saw taglines saying things like 'twink free zone', 'no fatties' and (my personal favourite) 'If your wrist is broken, don't even bother'. Call me old-fashioned, but I'd much rather go to a club and pull an absolute munter, than be a twat and have sex with a stranger that meets my tastes.

In my opinion, it gives gay men a bad name. Sex obsessed and happy enough to send a picture of their dong to a stranger. Of course I would never judge a person who meets for sex through the app, it's your life, and I know a lot of lovely people who use the app to find dates, or even just to chat. But it's not my cup of tea, although it is currently downloaded on my iPod. I guess it's just a source of entertainment for me. Here are some screenshots of some funny Grindr conversations about blow jobs.